Mangled vowels and muddy tones are accusations hurled at us. Want to talk like a Kiwi? Easy. Put a peg on your nose. Now, change the vowel sounds: A to E; E to I; I to U. Talk in a monotone, and finish each sentence with an upward inflexion, like a question.They forgot to mention that "aw" becomes "or". And so I almost ran off the road listening to the radio and hearing an ad for what I thought was "New Zealand's Largest Porn Shop", enthusiastically describing how they could cater to every taste and every need. Once they mentioned they had bicycles, I figured out that it was an ad for a pawn shop. But it took me a minute. I asked some of the Kiwis at lunch that day to repeat the following sentence: "I went to the pawn shop to buy some porn." I couldn't tell the difference between the two words. They claimed it didn't much matter as it would usually be clear from context.
Update: Ira's copy of Hairy McLary's Bone rhymes "Southerland's Sauce" with "Hercules Morse". Everyone surveyed in the Department agrees that this is a perfectly acceptable rhyme.
Sauce == source. Strange strange strange.